Remember when Eddie Murphy was funny?

This subject is an extremely hard topic to discuss for me. After all, 48hrs. was the first rated R movie that I ever saw at the theater.  Axel F is my cell phone's ring tone. Now, watching an Eddie Murphy film is as painful as it was watching Michael Jordan play for the Washington Wizards.  If you would have asked me back in '85 who I would want to be for a day, Eddie Murphy probably would have been tops on my list--along with Superman, but, hey, I was 12 years old.

Eddie's resume at the onset of his career is remarkable: 48hrs., Eddie Murphy: Delirious, Trading Places, Beverly Hills Cop, The Golden Child, Eddie Murphy: Raw, Beverly Hills Cop II, Coming to America, Harlem Knights, Another 48hrs., and Boomerang.  Granted, The Golden Child was disappointing and not everyone liked Harlem Knights, but that's getting it done at a very high level, otherwise.

So, how does one go from this to that? 

Except for the two Nutty Professor movies (which were OK), the Shrek movies, and his great performance in Dreamgirls, my once great hero has made a string of horrendous flicks/choices, such as: Beverly Hills III, Vampire in Brooklyn, Metro, Holy Man, Bowfinger, Showtime, I Spy, Pluto Nash, and Meet Dave--and I thought his singing career was bad.

How did this happen?  How does one go from being a comedic genius to someone that when I see his movie trailers, I wince in pain?  The man almost needs an intervention.  In my opinion, here's what he should do.  First, stop making Shrek movies.  Secondly, actually read the scripts that he is given.  Thirdly, write some new stand-up material and re-launch that career.  He's been out of the game for a long time, but I'd still take him over any of the "Original Kings of Comedy" or George Lopez--don't even get me started on those idiots!  Lastly, scrap the Beverly Hills Cop IV idea (I'm still not over part III yet), and do some independent film roles--the man is a great actor, he's way too talented to be taking these god awful roles anymore.

 The world needs much more Billy Ray Valentine (Capricorn) and a lot less Donkey, don't you think?

Speech! Speech!

As I caught the last 10 minutes of Rocky IV tonight, and subjected myself to Balboa's rambling, incoherent, yet hilarious, speech for the 118th time, two thoughts crossed my mind: 1) How in the hell did that Russian translator come up with a Russian word equivalent of "you's"? and 2) Rocky's speech may have been the worst speech in movie history.  But let's not dwell on the negative, my friends.  Those 10 minutes were hardly wasted, as it did get me to thinking about the best movie speeches that I've ever seen. So, I racked my brain and I compiled a list of my own personal favorites:

10.) Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (1987)
Neil Page loses it!

9.) Bull Durham (1988)
Crash Davis has some beliefs.

8.) 25th Hour (2002)
Monty Brogan takes a good look into the mirror.

7.) Wall Street (1987)
Gordon Gekko gets greedy.

6.) Braveheart (1995)
William Wallace--period.

5.) Scent of a Woman (1992)
Col. Frank Slade has the floor.

4.) A Few Good Men (1992)
Col. Jessep tells Lt. Kaffee the truth.

3.) Glengarry Glen Ross (1992)
Blake knows his ABC's.

2.) The Devil's Advocate (1997)
John Milton explains why it's "better to reign in hell than serve in heaven."

1.) Jaws (1975)
Captain Quint tells a chilling tale.

Oh, I Drink To Dat!

As we roll into the weekend, I thought this topic would be a perfect ending to the work week.  It's time to discuss my favorite Movie Drunks.

Bluto (Animal House 1978)
For those of you who went to college with me, and I apologize if you were one of the unfortunate ones, wouldn't Bluto be a pretty fair comparison to me in my 20's?  There are so many parallels between the two of us--we're both fat, drunk, and stupid,  we both spent 7 years (roughly) in college, we both gave great advice back in college, and in the end, we both ended up with the girl.  Bluto is still a college icon to this day, and a great movie drunk.  As for me, I'm still fat, drunk, and mildly stupid.

Frank "The Tank" (Old School 2003)

In my opinion, Will Ferrell's best roll to date.  Frank just wanted to get married, settle down and then one thing lead to another, and that thing lead to another, which lead to this.  Great movie and great character!

Buttermaker (The Bad News Bears 1976)
Anyone who tops off their can of beer with a shot of Jim Beam is all right in my book!  The late great Walter Matthau drinks so much that he passes out on the mound during batting practice, drinks during little league games, has one of his players, Lupus, make him a martini, serves his players beer, and somehow still remains a loveable character.  Now that is some fete!  Inexplicably, I couldn't find one good movie clip to illustrate my points, but Buttermaker remains one of my favorite drunk characters of all-time.

Willie (Bad Santa 2003)
The man is an utter mess! He reprehensible. He's mean to kids.  He's just a complete asshole!. And he's also one of the funniest movie characters ever created.  I'm not crazy about the movie, but Billy Bob Thornton was superb in this.

Doc Holliday (Tombstone 1993)
Truly one of the greatest acting performances of our generation. Kilmer creates a smooth, playful, suave, yet dangerous character here.  Doc dominates every single scene he's in--it's almost unfair.  He's one of the most quotable movie characters ever, and definitely one of my favorites.  Kilmer was fantastic--the man deserved an Oscar for this one!

Arthur Bach (Arthur 1981)
Could anyone do it better than Dudley Moore as a drunk--he's scary good as Arthur Bach!  Arthur drinks scotch non-stop, which is awfully impressive by itself, but the astonishing thing is that the man still manages to keep his impeccable comedic timing even though he spends most of his day hammered.  Moore was nominated for an Academy Award for this hilarious performance, and Sir John Gielgud took home the statue for Best Supporting Actor.  Definitely, one of my favorite comedies.

Thank You For Your Support (Comedy)

In my opinion, sometimes the stars of certain movies get all of the credit, while the supporting characters do most of the heavy lifting of the movie, just to get over looked for their hard work.  So I thought I'd put the spotlight on these integral pieces of the movie puzzle for once.  Here are some of my very favorite supporting characters from some of my favorite comedies.

Wooderson Dazed and Confused (1993)
Perhaps Matthew McConaughey's best role and finest performance--although, that is saying very little.  In fact, it took me about four viewings of this movie before I realized it was actually McConaughey.  You have to love a character that is so direct and so laid back/high/drunk.

Mike Damone Fast Times at Ridgemont High (1982)
Is he a douche bag or is he a genius?  Probably a little bit of both, if you ask me, but he truly means well. Damone is Ridgemont's resident scalper, part-time bookie, sometimes ladie's man, and wanna be philosopher.  He also steals just about every scene that he's in, too.

Booger Revenge of the Nerds (1984)
The man's an animal--he's crude, he's a crook, but he plays a mean guitar and is quick with the comebacks!  But, I'd kill for the man's belching ability, his access to wonder joints, and his t-shirt collection!

McCroskey Airplane (1980)
Sure, the man has his vices and picks the most unfortunate times to try and quit them--like smoking, coffee, booze, amphetamines, and maybe even a little airplane glue, but damnit, he get's the job done, doesn't he? 

Cousin Eddie National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989)
Has there been a bigger imposition on one's family in movie history?  He may also be one of the greatest supporting characters ever created, as well.  He has that perfect blend of classiness and cringe-worthy comments that only a distant, inbred family member can give you.

Judge Smayles Caddyshack (1980)
It was hard not to put Al Czervik here, but the late great Ted Knight was really on top of his game here!  Was Judge Smayles the most pretentious movie character ever? He's pompous. He's an elitist. He's racist. He's a cheat. He's smug.  He's a poor sport.  But he did have an enduring relationship with his grandson Spaulding! So he had that going for him, which is nice (I couldn't resist, sorry).

Trent Swingers (1996)
Definitely one of my favorite movie characters of all-time--even if it's just Vince being Vince. Trent said and did things that we all wished we had done and said--although, I'm sure that I have been even more obnoxious when I've been shit canned before!  Besides Jeremy in Wedding Crashers, what other movie character would be half as fun to go have a drink with?  However, I'm not sure that I'd want to play Sega NHL Hockey with him--he cheats!

Long Duk Dong Sixteen Candles (1984)
So he can't hold his liquor--he's still a nice kid!  Think about all that he accomplished in that horrible outfit!  He comes to a new town, he doesn't speak English all that well, picks up a chick at the dance, and parties like a rock star all night.  That's a career man...in any league.

Ray "Bones" Barboni Get Shorty (1995)
Dennis Farina has made a career out of playing hilarious supporting characters, hasn't he (see: Midnight Run and Snatch)?  In Get Shorty though, he really out does himself!  He's the perfect inept, hard-ass ganster to Travolta's cool, calm Chili Palmer with some hilarious exchanges between the two.  (Rooster, have you seen this one yet??)

Chet Weird Science (1985)
Hands down, the only real asshole on my list.  He extorts his own brother for God's sake!  He's a jerk to his brother's best friend.  And it's very clear that the man cannot take a joke!  Still, he's one funny, sadistic bastard! And I love it!

Honorable Mentions:
Honorable Mention #1
Honorable Mentions #2

On Second Thought

Maybe it's just me, but I have to see most movies more than once to really form a concrete opinion of it.  Of course in some instances, such as The Dark Knight, or The Shawshank Redemption, it was clearly apparent that they were immediate classics.  With some movies though, I find that multiple viewings really brings out the best in them. Here are some movies that at first glance didn't do that much for me, but have really grown on me the more that I watch them.

Napoleon Dynamite (2004)
I have to admit that I hated this movie the first time that I watched it.  After I was done, I thought to myself what in the hell did I just watch?  Everything seemed so odd about it--the acting, the writing, the setting, etc.  Then it came on cable and I watched it again and it seemed a little funnier.  Then as it marinated in my brain awhile longer, it began to make me chuckle more and more just thinking about it.  Then by my fifth or sixth time watching it, I really got on board with this film's brand of humor!  The characters are definitely odd little people, but still funny. How fucking fantastic is Uncle Rico?  This is definitely one of those love it, or hate it movies.  There seems to be no in between here.

The Break-Up (2006)
I will watch anything with Vince Vaughn in it, especially after Swingers, Old School, and Wedding Crashers. So imagine my surprise when I left the theater with my girlfriend at the time (now my wife), and just shrugged my shoulders at this movie.  This one grew legs for me after I watched it for the second time--maybe you shouldn't take your girlfriend who then becomes your wife to a movie entitled The Break-Up anyway.  For what ever reason, I love this movie now and watch it every time it's on.  Vince is great and Jennifer is hot as ever, but John Michael Higgins steals the scenes that he has in the movie!  (forgive the video quality) How ambiguously gay can one man be?  This one gets a little better with each viewing for me.

The Girl Next Door (2004)
This flick has become as likeable as it gets with me.  I liked it the first time that I saw it because I was actually shocked that it didn't suck balls, but I still thought it was just OK at the time.  The film did have me on board early on with its storyline based around the porn industry, and it also helped that it stars one of my favorite blonds--the incredibly hot Elisha Cuthbert.  But as I have caught it a few more times on cable, I really think that it is a well made coming of age flick.  The movie has a great premise, a good cast, and some very funny scenes--Timothy Olyphant is classic as a scumbag porn director.  And it doesn't suck that there is some hot chicks thrown in there as well. A definite diamond in the rough for me.

Just Friends (2005)
Ryan Reynolds could be a comedic genius, if he would just take the right roles and embrace his genius (see: Van Wilder) and stay away from action movies and formulaic romantic comedies (see: Blade: Trinity and The Proposal).  I remember watching this for the first time on dvd and kind of dismissing it as an average comedy. Then I caught it on cable a few times after that and I finally realized how funny it really is.  Anna Faris is off her ass in this, as a Britney/Jessica type clueless pop star. She and Reynolds have a great comedic tandom going in this flick.  The movie truly gets better and better each time that I watch it.

Fight Club (1999)
This one is kind of like the girl that I didn't pay attention to in high school and then all of a sudden she gets hot in her college years (think Tanya Matis at juco, Rooster) and then we all notice her. When I first watched FC I was in college and kind of paying attention to it and writing a paper at the same time, and you really shouldn't do that with a movie like this. Then, when I actually paid attention to it while I watched it the second time--I was completely blown away by its creativeness. Personally, I think that the movie is brilliant, and I would place it in my overall top ten, but I think that the trailer is a bit misleading and doesn't do the premise of the movie much justice to the first time viewer.  It has a superb cast, fantastic writing and directing, and great story. The movie is part mystery, partly a dark comedy, and mostly a coming of age tale told from the point of view of a not-too-reliable narrator.  Pound for pound, one of my very favorite movies.

Guilty As Charged

I'll set the scene for you; it's a rainy Saturday afternoon, there aren't any good games on the tube--you're bored out of your mind. So, since reading a good book is obviously out of the question, you scour all of your 500 channels on a quest for some mindless entertainment.  And there it is--The Replacements--perfect, your day is set! Sure, you could pop Bull Durham or Hoosiers into the dvd player, but that's not going to satisfy your movie thirst for a one star sports flick.  That's right campers, it's time to address my Guilty Pleasure Sports Movies.

As I compiled my list, I have to admit, I was plenty embarrassed by some of my choices--but, I had to be honest with you, as well as myself.  So, here are my Top 10:

10.) Johnny Be Good (1988)
Let's be brutally honest here.  This movie is complete and utter garbage--which didn't stop me from seeing it in the theater with my friend Boz.  Yes, it is god awful.  However, it did give us one of the best movie lines of all-time (at 1:38 of this clip).  That is vintage Paul Gleason right there!

9.) Side Out (1990)
I couldn't even type the title of this movie without chuckling a little bit.  This flick was written and directed in made-for-TV hell! Check out this montage (hey, the 80's called, they want their montage back). I wonder where they got the idea to use that song for their montage? How about the collection of characters in this one: C. Thomas Howell, Peter Horton, Courtney Thorne-Smith, Terry Kiser (Bernie of Weekend at Bernie's I & II), and Tony Burton (Duke from Rocky I-IV)?? Awesome, just, awesome!

8.)  Youngblood (1986)
It's awfully hard to turn a movie off when said movie includes the great Patrick Swayze (e.g. The Outsiders, Uncommon Valor, Red Dawn, Road House, and Point Break), but then you throw Keanu Reeves into that punch bowl--and man, I'm looking for the nearest ladle and cup!  I'm telling you, all I have to see is this slow motion montage, and my Saturday afternoon is set!  I didn't know that the Youngblood's had a smoke machine on their farm?

7.) The Cutting Edge (1992)
OK, I hate myself for a.) admitting that I have seen this movie more than once and b.) actually liking it!  I have no reasons. No excuses. No explanations. There's no hot chicks in this movie. No gratuitous T and A. It's bad. I know it's bad.  Yet, I continue to watch it whenever I come across it on TV.  This mystery may never be solved.  I'm just going to stop typing now.

6.) The Slugger's Wife (1985)
This movie is proof positive that if you watch anything long enough, it can actually start to look good after awhile!  Rooster and I have scary knowledge about this movie (that one can only attain from watching it every week of '93 while pounding a case of Busch-Light in his family room).  Surprisingly, I couldn't find one clip from this movie on the web--not even a movie trailer. It is probably for the best as every actor seems oddly out of place here anyway--Michael O'Keefe (Danny Noonan) has a pitiful swing, Rebecca DeMornay is hot, but can't carry a tune (her Little Red Corvette cover still haunts me to this day), and Cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid) is playing first base.  Still, this one will always have a special place in my movie heart.

5.) Varsity Blues (1999)
This flick has definitely made me ask myself the question: "Why in the hell didn't I play high school football?"  This movie is so hard to turn the channel on--it's just so much damn fun! Tweeter is hilarious.  Darcy is incredibly hot.  Billy Bob stole my M.O. as the fat, drunk, lovable guy.  Kilmer's a dick. The movie itself is one giant pile of implausible scenes--Tweeter stealing the squad car, the hot teacher who is also a stripper, the mutiny by the entire football team against their coach at halftime, and Dawson Leary is their QB (don't bullshit me, you all know who Dawson Leary is!)!  That being said, this one is off the charts entertaining!

4.) Teen Wolf (1985)
I know what you're thinking, but I'm classifying this one under this category because a.) there are basketball scenes in it and b.) it's my blog and I can do whatever I want.  This movie is impossible to turn off. I've tried several times. I have actually turned it off and then unplugged my TV and it still stays on! It just doesn't get any better (or is that worse) than this movie! I love the basketball scenes played to bad 80's music--even though there are only three scenes looped over and over and over again. And how great is their basketball coach?  Truly a comedic genius, that Bobby Finstock!  And how classic is Stiles?  If loving TW is wrong, I don't ever want to be right.

3.) Wildcats (1986)

Another classic that I saw in the theater--twice.  I still get a smile on my face every time I drive past Lane Tech HS (where the movie was filmed) in the city, and when I got to see the football field where the championship game was filmed (pictured above)--my movie life was complete!  The movie is actually pretty funny, it also has a fun-bad soundtrack, entertaining football scenes, and how about those Wildcat cheerleaders? 

2.) The Program (1993)
It doesn't hurt that this movie stars my favorite fictional athlete of all-time--Alvin Mack.  I admit, the movie is a hot mess at times, and is an over the top look at college football hijinks.  But, the football scenes are stellar, the performances are totally believeable, and it stays entertaining even when its delivering its heavy handed message. (side note:) Rooster and I saw it in the theater before they cut the infamous scene out the film because idiot kids were lying in the middle of streets getting hit by cars trying to imitate that scene from the movie.

1.)  Summer Catch (2001)
Like I have stated before, this film is one gigantic train wreck, which is probably why I cannot bring myself to turn the channel when it comes on.  There are so many reasons to watch this film.  The baseball lingo is insulting, the baseball scenes are embarassing--even to little leaguers (there's an arc of Freddie's fastball, yet it registers a 94 on the gun?), Freddie Prinze Jr's facial expressions on the mound are priceless, the writing is Saved By the Bell bad, and not one of the main actors looks like they made it past the tee-ball level, let alone D-1 level baseball.  Pound for pound though, still one of my favorite guilty pleasure movies of all-time.