Guilty As Charged

I'll set the scene for you; it's a rainy Saturday afternoon, there aren't any good games on the tube--you're bored out of your mind. So, since reading a good book is obviously out of the question, you scour all of your 500 channels on a quest for some mindless entertainment.  And there it is--The Replacements--perfect, your day is set! Sure, you could pop Bull Durham or Hoosiers into the dvd player, but that's not going to satisfy your movie thirst for a one star sports flick.  That's right campers, it's time to address my Guilty Pleasure Sports Movies.

As I compiled my list, I have to admit, I was plenty embarrassed by some of my choices--but, I had to be honest with you, as well as myself.  So, here are my Top 10:

10.) Johnny Be Good (1988)
Let's be brutally honest here.  This movie is complete and utter garbage--which didn't stop me from seeing it in the theater with my friend Boz.  Yes, it is god awful.  However, it did give us one of the best movie lines of all-time (at 1:38 of this clip).  That is vintage Paul Gleason right there!

9.) Side Out (1990)
I couldn't even type the title of this movie without chuckling a little bit.  This flick was written and directed in made-for-TV hell! Check out this montage (hey, the 80's called, they want their montage back). I wonder where they got the idea to use that song for their montage? How about the collection of characters in this one: C. Thomas Howell, Peter Horton, Courtney Thorne-Smith, Terry Kiser (Bernie of Weekend at Bernie's I & II), and Tony Burton (Duke from Rocky I-IV)?? Awesome, just, awesome!

8.)  Youngblood (1986)
It's awfully hard to turn a movie off when said movie includes the great Patrick Swayze (e.g. The Outsiders, Uncommon Valor, Red Dawn, Road House, and Point Break), but then you throw Keanu Reeves into that punch bowl--and man, I'm looking for the nearest ladle and cup!  I'm telling you, all I have to see is this slow motion montage, and my Saturday afternoon is set!  I didn't know that the Youngblood's had a smoke machine on their farm?

7.) The Cutting Edge (1992)
OK, I hate myself for a.) admitting that I have seen this movie more than once and b.) actually liking it!  I have no reasons. No excuses. No explanations. There's no hot chicks in this movie. No gratuitous T and A. It's bad. I know it's bad.  Yet, I continue to watch it whenever I come across it on TV.  This mystery may never be solved.  I'm just going to stop typing now.

6.) The Slugger's Wife (1985)
This movie is proof positive that if you watch anything long enough, it can actually start to look good after awhile!  Rooster and I have scary knowledge about this movie (that one can only attain from watching it every week of '93 while pounding a case of Busch-Light in his family room).  Surprisingly, I couldn't find one clip from this movie on the web--not even a movie trailer. It is probably for the best as every actor seems oddly out of place here anyway--Michael O'Keefe (Danny Noonan) has a pitiful swing, Rebecca DeMornay is hot, but can't carry a tune (her Little Red Corvette cover still haunts me to this day), and Cousin Eddie (Randy Quaid) is playing first base.  Still, this one will always have a special place in my movie heart.

5.) Varsity Blues (1999)
This flick has definitely made me ask myself the question: "Why in the hell didn't I play high school football?"  This movie is so hard to turn the channel on--it's just so much damn fun! Tweeter is hilarious.  Darcy is incredibly hot.  Billy Bob stole my M.O. as the fat, drunk, lovable guy.  Kilmer's a dick. The movie itself is one giant pile of implausible scenes--Tweeter stealing the squad car, the hot teacher who is also a stripper, the mutiny by the entire football team against their coach at halftime, and Dawson Leary is their QB (don't bullshit me, you all know who Dawson Leary is!)!  That being said, this one is off the charts entertaining!

4.) Teen Wolf (1985)
I know what you're thinking, but I'm classifying this one under this category because a.) there are basketball scenes in it and b.) it's my blog and I can do whatever I want.  This movie is impossible to turn off. I've tried several times. I have actually turned it off and then unplugged my TV and it still stays on! It just doesn't get any better (or is that worse) than this movie! I love the basketball scenes played to bad 80's music--even though there are only three scenes looped over and over and over again. And how great is their basketball coach?  Truly a comedic genius, that Bobby Finstock!  And how classic is Stiles?  If loving TW is wrong, I don't ever want to be right.

3.) Wildcats (1986)

Another classic that I saw in the theater--twice.  I still get a smile on my face every time I drive past Lane Tech HS (where the movie was filmed) in the city, and when I got to see the football field where the championship game was filmed (pictured above)--my movie life was complete!  The movie is actually pretty funny, it also has a fun-bad soundtrack, entertaining football scenes, and how about those Wildcat cheerleaders? 

2.) The Program (1993)
It doesn't hurt that this movie stars my favorite fictional athlete of all-time--Alvin Mack.  I admit, the movie is a hot mess at times, and is an over the top look at college football hijinks.  But, the football scenes are stellar, the performances are totally believeable, and it stays entertaining even when its delivering its heavy handed message. (side note:) Rooster and I saw it in the theater before they cut the infamous scene out the film because idiot kids were lying in the middle of streets getting hit by cars trying to imitate that scene from the movie.

1.)  Summer Catch (2001)
Like I have stated before, this film is one gigantic train wreck, which is probably why I cannot bring myself to turn the channel when it comes on.  There are so many reasons to watch this film.  The baseball lingo is insulting, the baseball scenes are embarassing--even to little leaguers (there's an arc of Freddie's fastball, yet it registers a 94 on the gun?), Freddie Prinze Jr's facial expressions on the mound are priceless, the writing is Saved By the Bell bad, and not one of the main actors looks like they made it past the tee-ball level, let alone D-1 level baseball.  Pound for pound though, still one of my favorite guilty pleasure movies of all-time.