OVER-rated (clap, clap, clap) OVER-rated (Part 2)

"And here...we...GO!"

5.) Blue Velvet
A severed human ear, a sexually depraved woman, the seedy under belly of the "perfect" suburban neighborhood, and a ruthlesss oxygen huffing madman--all rolled up into one hell of a mess of a movie.  I'm sure you'll be surprised that David Lynch (Mullholland Dr.) wrote and directed this horse apple.  Mr. Lynch just isn't having any fun unless he's thoroughly confusing and misleading his audiences into submission.  Well sir, I choose not to participate--comence with your "surrealism" without me.

4.)  A Clockwork Orange
Even the movie's title reeks of pretentiousness. The movie is a dark satirical science fiction piece written (adapted from the novel) and directed by the habitually over praised Stanley Kubrick.  The movie is a sadists wet dream--non stop violence, rape, torture, and subversive undertones, overtones--middle tones.  This, apparently, is what's known as "brilliance" in Hollywood.  If this is brilliance, I'm more than happy with being a stupid human being.

3.) Do The Right Thing
This "Spike Lee Joint" movie enrages me every time that I think about it.  The film illustrates the racial tensions that occur during the hottest day of the summer in a multi-racial Brooklyn neighborhood.  Here's what happens in a nutshell.  Mookie (Spike Lee) is a pizza delivery man for Sal's Pizza. Sal, the Italian owner of Sal's Pizza,  (Danny Aiello) has pictures up on his wall of Italian movie stars and celebrities. Buggin' Out (Giancarlo Esposito) takes offense to this because he thinks Sal should put up pictures of black movie stars since Sal sells pizza in a black neighborhood to black people. When Sal refuses, Buggin' Out causes a disturbance and a commotion in Sal's and the cops are called.  Buggin' Out resists arrest, and then is accidentally killed by the cops.  Mookie, upset by what has gone down, picks up a garbage can and throws it through Sal's window inciting a riot and Sal's place is subsequently burned to the ground. Moral of the story?  If a store owner refuses to do something that you want him to do, throw a garbage can through his store front window and burn his place down. But only if the store owner is white (thus evil) and only if you (the garbage can thrower) is a minority.  Great message Spike.

2.) Slumdog Millionaire
I almost feel bad for putting this on my list because, honestly, I thought it was a good movie.  However, if a movie wins 8 Oscars, it better be a fucking phenomenal movie experience and it better change my life--it better be The Godfather II great, and not simply good.  One simple question for those of you playing at home: For those of you who have seen this movie (myself included), have you even had the slightest urge to watch it a second time?  I didn't think so. I rest my case.

1.) Titanic
Anyone surprised at this pick?  After all, this movie still reigns supreme as the highest grossing film of all time.  And why shouldn't it, considering all of its originality?  This flick is the perfect illustration of how high (as in smoked too much doob) American's movie I.Q. actually is.  Let's explore deeper (pun intended) into all of the spectacular qualities of this American masterpiece, shall we? The gag reflexing Celine Dion song that was played every other song on every radio station for 365 annoyingly long days, certainly didn't do the movie any favors with me.  Neither did the retread of the same old worn out "star crossed lovers" love story that should have died with its creator,William Shakespeare, in 1616.  Or how about the miscasting of Leonardo DiCaprio, who came off as a boy to Kate Winslet's slightly more elegant older character?   And the cherry on top of this shit sundae? Bill Paxton, as the ship's captain searching for the Titanic's wreakage.  (The man's best performance is still Chet from Weird Science for Christ sake!) The movie's costumes, sets, and special effects were superb, but Best Picture worthy?  I still think not.