Welcome! I wanted my first post to perfectly illustrate my sick and warped view of the movie world. You may not have noticed, but men tend to communicate through movie lines, and develop a bond instantly with any stranger who can quote Caddyshack lines with any precision. This is because the part of our brains that allows us to spew out movie lines is about the only section of our brains that wasn't affected by drinking 6 days a week in college.
One thing that was definitely accomplished during those Sunday afternoons that I, I'm sorry Goose, we spent embarrassingly hungover on the couch--endlessly watching subpar movies on TBS. We all have that list of movies. Movies that are so bad that they're good after you've watched them about 38 times. So here's a salute to a few of my personal favorites. BTW, please feel free to chime anytime on this blog, I'm a big believer in reader participation:
Summer Catch (2001)
I'm not sure what is funnier--Freddie Prinze Jr's acting ability or his athletic ability. There is so much that is wrong with this movie, but it all feels so right! You have Jason Gedrick (Doug Masters from Iron Eagle), the infinitely annoying Matthew Lillard (as a D1 catcher?), the very hot but the very limited Jessica Biel, a slumming Brian Dennehy & Beverly D'Angelo, and a cowboy hat sporting Curt Gowdy doing the play by play for the Cape Cod league. All of this, of course, fails to explain why I have seen this movie 22 times...check that, it's on Cinemax in five minutes--make that 23 times. Check out the trailer, and don't laugh--I dare you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTQ2R5aj78I
Rocky IV (1985)
Along with watching this movie every time it's on, I saw it twice in the theater back in '85. I will argue to the death with K-Dogg, and anyone else, that this movie is the best fourth installment of any movie franchise. Although, that's kinda like having the nicest trailer in the a trailer park. Still, the story isn't without it's problems. For instance, Rocky has been training in the bowels of a very wintry Russian countryside for 2-3 months, yet he sports a George Hamilton-esque tan at his fight with Ivan Drago? Still, the soundtrack and training montages alone are worth the price of add mission: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IwvoTDoO9Hg Apollo dies, James Brown performs, and Uncle Paulie cries--what more do want from a part IV?
Point Break (1991)
FBI agent Angelo Pappas (an unforgettable Gary Busey) is so obsessed with tracking and capturing the Ex-Presidents that on the most pivital stakeout of his career he is...reading Calvin and Hobbs and sending his partner on a meatball sandwich run. The funny thing is, that might be the most plausible thing that happens in the whole damn movie! Nevertheless, we have an outstanding performance by Patrick Swayze as Bohdi, a surfer/skydiver/un-shaven, zen master of a bank robber uttering such memorable lines as, "Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation will cause your biggest fears to come true," and "If you want the ultimate, you've got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. It's not tragic to die doing what you love." And of course we have the incomparable Keanu Reeves as Johnny Utah (Once an All-Conference QB at Ohio State--Bohdi tells us), churning out another all-world acting performance with such emotionally driven lines as, "Vaya con Dios, Brah." This movie was made for spending a rainy afternoon with TBS, TNT, or AMC, wasn't it?
Commando (1985)
Even as a child watching this Schwarzenegger classic in the theater, I knew that I was witnessing movie greatness. As a friend of mine, Rooster, always points out about this gem, is that it really isn't so much an action movie as it is a comedy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMkXY6MN96E Seriously, Arnold packed about 112 one liners into this "action" flick. All the while he dodged about 12,892 bullets, escaped from an airplane while it was taking off, beat up 12 mall cops, stole a plane, conquered a whole island, killed 197 soldiers (single handed, mind you), rescued his daughter Jenny (a young Alyssa Milano) from the clutches of the villainous Bennett (a very gay Vernon Wells), and got the girl. He accomplished all of this virtually on an empty stomach, save for the bite of a sandwich that he had in the very first scene of the movie. Now, that's impressive!
Cocktail (1988)
I admit it freely, I fucking love this movie! I love the constant one-liners exchanged by Coughlin and Flanagan--did they ever just have a normal, everyday "how about them Giants" conversation? I love that they have a packed bar of patrons waiting patiently for a drink while they perform a choreographed dance/drink making routine: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5YbjzztYbUo Seriously, has anyone ever been to a T.G.I. Fridays as lively as this one? I also love the scene where a rival bar owner is so impressed by this routine that he offers Doug and Brian jobs right then and there. BTW, if you're the owner "of the hottest new bar in the city," what are you doing hanging out at a Friday's? Forget it, I'm over analyzing. How about when Flanagan comes up with a 20 line poem as he stands atop the bar while approximately 200 customers apparently don't care about getting a drink any time soon--even though they are at a bar. I'd be remiss if I didn't acknowledge the tasty, and a long time favorite of mine going back to her Karate Kid days, Elizabeth Shue as Jordan--the love interest of young Flanagan. I literally could go on for pages about my love for this movie, but I won't. I'll just say this, it belongs in the It's So Bad It's Good movie hall of fame!
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You forgot to talk about Sunny from Commando, Mrs. Coughlin and her tonged ass climbing around the yacht like an LSD induced chimpanzee, Gina Gershan as Coral, The Cameo appearance of the Red Hot Chili Peppers in Point Break doing what they normally do when they're not rocking out, and finally you forgot to talk about Bridget "look at my huge cans" Nielson from RockyIV.
ReplyDeleteGuilty pleasure indeed, difficult to turn those films off, regardless of the profanity being edited on TBS/TNT.....I'll watch anyway just to hear those terrible cheesy lines and to disect the movie out loud with whomever is unfortunate enough to be in the room with me. Point Breal takes the cake on this list.
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