A Straight Eye For The Queer Guy

Let's face it, not all movie villains are created equal.  Some of them are unforgettable, like Darth Vader, Hannibal Lechter, and the Shark in Jaws.  Some we forget about before we even finish our popcorn in the theater, like Castor Troy (Face-Off), Jigsaw (Saw 1-19), or Earl Talbot Blake (Ricochet)--see what I mean. Sometimes though, a villain can leave a somewhat different lasting impression on us.  Here are a few villains that have caused me to raise an eyebrow (or four) over the years with some of their odd "behaviors."  These are my list of villains that I suspect, shall we say, play for the other team.  "Not that there's anything wrong with that"--many thanks, Seinfeld.  Let's just refer to them as the "Ambiguously Gay Movie Villains."

Victor Maitland (Beverly Hills Cop 1984)
You cannot own a house like his in Beverly Hills, or be as rich as he his without having at least one hot babe around you at all times--it was the '80's, after all.  Think about it.  He has all that money, he dresses well, he's tan, he belongs to The Harrow Club, and the the one person that he chooses to take to brunch--his #1 henchman Zack?  I mean Brad Wesley (from Roadhouse) had orgies in his pool almost every night, and he didn't have half of the scratch that Maitland appeared to have at his disposal--Maitland had a compound for God sake!  And is it me, or is he checking out Axel's unit in this picture?  Ambiguous Gay-O-Meter: 7 out of 10

General Zod (Superman II 1980)
OK, I could almost overlook the fact that he's wearing patten leather from head to toe.  I might also look the other way at the fact that he's perfectly groomed, and he's awfully pompous/bitchy.  Wasn't he in The Phantom Zone for 25 years?  Not one hair is out of place on his head!  But what I cannot ignore is his insistance for Superman and every other man that he crosses paths with to to kneel before him.  Also, look who he's hanging out with--does Ursa strike you as being feminine?  Here's my theory as to what happened on Krypton: Zod and Ursa came out of the closet and were treated like outcasts by the Kryptonians, so they hired Non as their muscle and tried to take over Krypton.  Jor-El and the council were all homo-phobes, so they banished General Zod, Ursa, and Non to The Phantom Zone for eternity. Pretty solid theory if you ask me. Ambiguous Gay-O-Meter: 9 out of 10

Hans Gruber (Die Hard 1988)
Probably the most open and shut case if it weren't for my next example.  Has there ever been a cooler, well groomed, better dressed, or more well read villain in movie history?  I mean the man quote's from Plutarch's (AD46-126) Life of Alexander, "And when Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept, for there were no more worlds to conquer."  Who throws out such an obscure line like that during a hostage situation?  He also carries around a leather bound day planner as his terrorist itinerary booklet. If that weren't enough, he knew exactly what suit manufacturer Mr. Takagi was wearing (albeit before he blew his brains out) and remarked how he had two himself at home.  I rest my case. 
Ambiguous Gay-O-Meter: 9.5 out of 10

Bennett (Commando 1985)
Bennett is the Ted Williams of this category.  Where do I even begin with this one--there is so much evidence throughout the whole movie.  Let's start with his clothing, shall we?  The mustache was obvious enough, but the gray mesh tank top over a black sleeveless t-shirt, the thick silver necklace with dog tags, the black leather pants, and black leather gloves with the fingers cut out, was less than subtle. Also, was Bennett the least athletic villain there has ever been?  Just note the way he throws his gun away before he fights Matrix at the end--I've seen 4 year-old girls with better form than that.  Not to mention his facial expressions before he actually throws the gun away--Jizz in My Pants comes to mind--if you'll pardon the expression. And lastly, I can't be the only one to notice the obvious sexual tension between Bennett and Matrix, can I?  Well, maybe, but it's there, just watch the movie 30 more times.
Ambiguous Gay-O-Meter: 13 out of 10

Other nominees, although I have zero cinematic proof: Mr. Joshua (Lethal Weapon), Jimmy (Roadhouse), John Doe (Seven), and Norman Bates (Psycho).